How to Be the Best Lover They Ever Had

by | SEX AS PLAY

Yesterday I was talking to my good friend, penis & prostate expert, Rachael Z, about past lovers circling back to us to tell us we were the best they ever had. It’s something I pride myself on, I get off on it. I love being a burned-in memory in their spank banks. IT’S HOT. 

But guess what? I welcome competition 😉 This could be you, you sexy lil minx. So, I mused, I referred back to texts from past lovers and current lovers and I have a TOP 4 for being the best lover they’ve ever had…

CURIOSITY

No one was born a great lover. No one. What makes the difference between a great lover and a boring one is their curiosity, their hunger for evolution, their appetite for trying new things.

I want you to be a detective. I want you to pay close attention to their body signals, I want you to explore your mutual curiosities ( have you taken the curiosity quiz? → ), and if you don’t know what you’re doing… research!!

PSA: Porn is not sex education. Yes, it can be inspiring and a fun thing to watch alone or together with your partner, but it’s skipping ALL the gems that are going to make you a crown jewel in their spank bank.

So, where do you go? I’ve got a couple resources for you. My one-stop shop recommendation is Beducated – It’s a vast library of how-to videos baring it all on topics like lingam massage, shibari (rope tying), cunninlingus, bdsm. It’s amazing and has inspired many a playful night between my finacé and me.

In fact, we’ve now introduced a new date into our calendar called Wet Wednesdays where we check out a new bar, watch something on sex education, and get 👏 it 👏 on!!! Let me know if you want to hear more on this 😜

Another incredible treasure trove of sex education on pleasuring women is by my fellow sex nerd, Kenneth Play. He has a course called Sex Hacker Pro. It’s naughty, graphic and woahhhh. If you want a $0 taste of his knowledge, check out this video he did in partnership with Erika Lust.

Curiosity is by definition ‘an eager wish to know or learn something’. I’m going to circle back on the energetics of this on my last tip, but now that we have an arsenal of knowledge, let’s talk about integrating it.

PILLOW TALK

So, first of all. If you haven’t taken my curiosity quiz, put your fingers to work and click here. It’s a quick and easy 5 minute quiz that will unveil your current curiosity profile to you. Next? Have your partner do it. Where do you overlap? What things are you mutually curious about?

It’s one thing to learn all these fun new skills, but it’s another thing to get down and dirty with ‘pillow talk’ so that you can ask each other how that felt, what they liked, didn’t like, what they may want to try next.

There is an art to pillow talk, I made a reel on it if you want to check it out here

Everybody’s body is different and being able to communicate to each other is crucial. Otherwise, it’s like throwing spaghetti at a wall, driving a car blind. Which leads me to my tip of being their top most memorable lovers…

SELF-EXPLORATION 🕵️🔍

The amount of times I have responded to women on Reddit when they post “My partner can’t make me cum/orgasm.” is astronomical. And every time I comment, “My love. Do you know how to make yourself orgasm?” And more often than not, they respond “No.” or “Only with a vibrator.”

Well, my little princess, it’s time we go back to step 1 and get curious! Get curious about your own body, where you like to be touched, what feels good, what doesn’t, what’s too intense, what do you craveeee. There is nothing sexier to your lover than you knowing your own body. It makes them more confident in their ability to pleasure you.

And that means, less ‘in your head’ moments, and more IN YOUR WET NAKED BODY moments. Mmmmmmm delicious. That’s what we want.

But honestly, the more comfortable you are with your body, your pleasure, your desires, the more comfortable you are going to be talking about it with your lover(s). And I am not going to be the 19576382825th person to tell you that communication matters in sex and relationships 😉 And you know what else matters?

ENTHUSIASM ❤️💕😘🔥

When Rachael and I were talking the other day, she said, “The best blow job ever is by the lover who WANTS to give the blow job.” It’s so freaking true. It’s energetic. You are adding fuel to the fire you’re building in the middle of your bed by even wanting to be there.

Lovers can feel this from you. I’ve done my own experiments going down on men and my fiancé has coined what he likes to call my ‘cock craze’ gaze. I get myself SO worked up, that I don’t blow him – I devour him. I can literally get myself off without even touching myself while blowing him.

THAT is energy. THAT is enthusiasm, that is full-body presence. It is so freaking hot when you see this wild spark in your lover’s eye and that… that is f*ing memorable.

💥

If you want to be the best lover they’ve ever had, if you want your experiences burned into their memories for a lifetime, this is what you need to commit to: curiosity, pillow talk, self-exploration, and enthusiasm. It’s the recipe for success, my love.

If you want to dive deeper into your curiosities, how to be better with pillow talk, exploring your desires, or generaring this mouther-watering enthusiasm for sex and intimacy with your partner… grab a spot on my calendar and let’s talk.

So much love for you,

Erin